Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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