So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
NoShamevember. You game?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
