Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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