i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
