In the future we'll all be gay
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
