I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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