so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize