my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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