help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
