Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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