Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
