My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
