who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
40s are totally the cure
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
