i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
