My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
