Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
