It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
