i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize