I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
