Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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