i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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