Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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