I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
