Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
