I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
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