i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
