Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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