I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
