In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
