Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
His hands were made for my vagina.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
