i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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