elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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