He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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