You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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