he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize