I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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