you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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