Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
