he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
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