I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
