So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
