i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize