perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
