There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
time to smoke my breakfast
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
