I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
PANTIES FOUND
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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