would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
