maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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