Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
