i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
