He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
