smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
where are my pants?
in the oven.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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