Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize