I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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