He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
