fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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