All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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