i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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