there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
