Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
