I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
