i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
