we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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