the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
