I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
