I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
