i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
