xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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