I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
