That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
