I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize