In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
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