After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
